Thinking About Using? (The Fuck Its)

You’re here because you’re thinking about using. Not because you wanted to, because the urge crept up and now it’s loud.

That feeling has a name. The community calls it the “fuck its.” It’s a known craving state, and it doesn’t mean you’re failing. You’re here, reading this. That counts.

One thing first

Stop reading this in 60 seconds and text or call one person. Not to confess, not to ask permission to use, just to say:

Hey, I’m having a rough one. Can we talk for ten minutes?

That’s the whole message. Copy it if you want.

If you can’t think of anyone, the next block has humans you can reach right now.

If this is worse than a craving

If you’re past a craving and into something more urgent, the right numbers:

• 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: call or text 988. 24/7. English and Spanish.
• SAMHSA National Helpline: 1-800-662-4357. Free, confidential, 24/7. Real humans, treatment referrals.
• Never Use Alone: 1-800-484-3731. If you’ve decided to use and can’t talk yourself out of it, this line stays on the call with you and sends EMS if you stop responding.

Calling one of these is not a failure. It’s the right move. More numbers, Poison Control, DV Hotline, Childhelp, on Crisis Hotlines or the Crisis button in the corner of any page.

Naming the feeling

The “fuck its” aren’t the same as an early-withdrawal craving. Early cravings feel physical, your body is loud, you know what it wants, and you know you’re white-knuckling it. The “fuck its” are different. They’re quieter. They feel like clarity.

They usually show up as a re-frame. The voice doesn’t say “I want to use.” It says some version of:

• “What’s the point. I’ve been doing this for months and I still feel like shit.”
• “One time won’t matter. I’ve earned it.”
• “Maybe I had it under control all along and I overreacted.”
• “I’ll just use a little. Just enough to take the edge off tonight.”

Notice how reasonable each of those sounds. That’s the trick. A craving you can recognize as a craving is easy to refuse. The “fuck its” don’t feel like a craving, they feel like you finally seeing clearly. That’s why they’re more dangerous than the screaming-physical kind. The brain is finding plausible-sounding reasons because it wants the thing.

They spike when a few specific things stack up, usually some combination of HALT (hungry, angry, lonely, tired) plus a conditioned trigger (a smell, a place, a time of day, a stressful conversation), often in a PAWS wave.

The reframe to keep in your back pocket: if a thought about using shows up suddenly and feels uncharacteristically reasonable, that’s the symptom, not the truth. Treat it like a craving and use the techniques below.

The reach-out ladder

In order. Real humans first. Digital community is the fallback.

1. Someone in your house, partner, roommate, family. Don’t text from the next room. Walk in.
2. A neighbor or friend you can physically get to, drive over, walk over, show up.
3. A meeting, today. SMART Recovery meetings (online + in-person, no 12-step framework if that’s not your thing) or NA (in-person + online).
4. A phone call to a human who knows you. Texting doesn’t activate the same parts of your brain. Call.
5. A phone call to a helpline. The three numbers above.
6. Text a human who knows you, if a call is impossible right now.
7. Online community, the Discord #sos channel and r/quitting7oh. These are real people, but they’re the fallback, not the first move, async text in a feed doesn’t substitute for a voice.

While you wait

Things you can do in the next ten minutes that will move the needle:

• The 10-minute rule. Tell yourself you can use in 10 minutes, not right now. Set a timer. When it goes off, do it again. Cravings peak and fall in waves of 15–30 minutes; you can outlast them.
• HALT check + fix the easy one. Eat. Drink water. Lie down. A craving on top of low blood sugar feels twice as loud as a craving fed.
• Physical state change. Walk the block. Cold water on your face. Hands in ice. Push-ups until you can’t.
• Time-bound distraction. A specific show, a specific chore, a specific call. Not “scroll your phone.”

When ten minutes isn’t enough

The wave model above works for cravings that come in 15–30 minute peaks. The fuck its sometimes don’t. They sit there for hours, all evening, an entire day, sometimes longer. Running the 10-minute rule on repeat for 12 hours is a recipe for being so depleted that the next wave wins. The longer version needs a different toolkit.

• Externalize the decision. Don’t try to win 12 hours of “should I” with willpower. Hand it to a person now, while you’re clear, so they can anchor you to it later when you’re not. The script is roughly: “I’m in a rough one tonight. I’m not going to use. If I message you later sounding casual about it or saying I’ve changed my mind, that’s the craving talking, push back and remind me what I said right now.” The choice becomes structural rather than something you have to re-win every hour.
• Change your environment. Same-place fuck its are partly conditioned triggers (a couch, a parking lot, a drawer, the route home from work). A long walk, a drive, a visit to family, a coffee shop you don’t usually go to, relocation does work that more time at home doesn’t.
• Plan the rest of the day, not the next ten minutes. Sustained cravings respond to filled time. Make actual plans: dinner with someone, a meeting, an errand, a movie at a specific theater at a specific showtime. Empty time is when the loop wins.
• Sleep through it if you can. Fuck its often peak in the evening or overnight, when defenses are lowest. Going to bed early, with a prescribed sleep med if you have one, moves you past it. Tomorrow-you is usually more resourced than tonight-you.
• A long call or an in-person hangout, not a text thread. A sustained wave needs a sustained connection. 60–90 minutes of voice or in-person presence does what async text doesn’t.
• Get to a meeting today. SMART Recovery and NA both run multiple meetings daily, online and in person. A meeting that starts in three hours is a time anchor bigger than any timer.
• Reach a prescriber if this has been loud for days, not hours. Persistent loud cravings past acute withdrawal are information. They often mean something needs adjusting: helper meds, MAT dose, treatment for the anhedonia or sleep disruption that’s feeding the craving. If you don’t have a prescriber, see Telehealth Providers.

If you’ve been loud for many hours and none of this is catching, prepare for a possible slip rather than pretending you won’t have one: tell someone you’re at risk, keep naloxone (Narcan) within reach, and read the If you’ve already used section below now so the don’t-mix and Never Use Alone routing is in front of you before you need it.

When cravings tend to spike

Cravings cluster predictably:

• Acute withdrawal (week 1), your brain wants the thing it adapted to. See Withdrawal Help.
• Sub-acute (weeks 2–4): sleep is broken, mood swings, anhedonia starting to lift but not gone. Highest-risk window for many people.
• PAWS, months 1–6: waves less constant, can hit harder; anhedonia and conditioned triggers do most of the work.
• Late PAWS (6+ months): waves are shorter and farther apart. A wave here is not regression. It’s a wave. Don’t let the surprise of it talk you into anything.

If you’re on bupe and the wired/anxious/sleep-broken part isn’t lifting, see Why Suboxone Might Not Be Working.

Some perspective, carefully

A few things that are documented, with sources:

• Relapse is common in early recovery, exactly how common is disputed. NIDA’s widely-cited 40–60% figure is a long-term, chronic-illness-comparable rate (compared to hypertension and asthma at 50–70%). Early-window cohort studies report substantially higher rates. A widely-cited Irish inpatient-detox cohort (Smyth et al., Ir Med J 2010) found that 91% of patients relapsed within the follow-up period, with 59% relapsing in the first week post-discharge. The exact numbers vary by substance, population, treatment setting, and how “relapse” is defined. In the first weeks and months, relapse is common. It doesn’t mean treatment failed; it means treatment needs to be adjusted or resumed.
• Kratom-specific relapse data barely exists. The 2023 scientific expert forum on kratom withdrawal (Henningfield et al., Drug Alcohol Depend Rep 2023) calls for more research on behavioral interventions and individual differences. Anything specific you’ve seen (“X% of kratom users relapse in Y days”) is almost certainly not from a real study.
• What does reduce relapse risk: staying in contact with people. Peer support, regular check-ins, meetings, a Telehealth prescriber who knows you, family who knows what’s going on. The specific number on “how much” varies by study, but the direction is consistent.

If you’ve already used

Reading this after a slip, not before? You haven’t lost everything. A return to use doesn’t erase the work that got you the abstinence in the first place. The neurobiology of recovery doesn’t reset to zero.

If withdrawal symptoms are returning faster than you expected, within hours, by morning, that’s a documented pattern, not a sign you’re back at day one. Will One Use Bring Withdrawal Back? (Kindling) covers why it happens and what it means.

The one safety thing to know:

Don’t mix. The real fatal pattern in kratom-adjacent deaths is combinations: mixing with alcohol, benzodiazepines, gabapentinoids, or other depressants. That’s what kills people. Other kratom-derived synthetics (MGM-15, pseudo) are more potent on their own and carry more risk solo.

Keep naloxone (Narcan) nearby as cheap, harmless safety equipment. Tell someone you’re with. If you’re alone, Never Use Alone (1-800-484-3731) stays on the call and sends EMS if you stop responding.

Next step that makes sense: get back in touch with your prescriber, return to your taper plan, or, if you didn’t have one, see the Telehealth Providers page for getting a prescriber who works with kratom and 7-OH cases.

Save this page

Most people who hit this page hit it more than once. Bookmark it now, while you can think clearly. Save 988 and 1-800-662-4357 in your phone too. Future you will thank present you.

One more time: this is community information, not medical advice. If you’re trying to get back on track after a slip, or trying to stay on track right now, talk to a qualified prescriber who knows your situation.